I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
