Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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