I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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