Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
