I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
