Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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