Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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