when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
