walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
