I skipped work to stalk him.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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