his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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