this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i would one night stand the shit outta him
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
