I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
