I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
