On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
