He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
