I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
