kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
