She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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