I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
