ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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