Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
