You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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