How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
