I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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