he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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