Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
