So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
