we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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