my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
