I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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