I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
