Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
