I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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