Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
