I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
