just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
