You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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