I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
