I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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