So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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