apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize