also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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