just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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