Swine flu. Run for my life!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize