$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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