I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
