How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's get the cat blown out
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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