I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm passing your future prison.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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