you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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