Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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