Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
