He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
3 2 1 whiskey
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
