u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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