um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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