just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
