i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize