O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
