Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He better not be in your backpack
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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