you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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