i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
