Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
