I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
