Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
