He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
