Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
