I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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