I'm lost and stupid without you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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