i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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