her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
