My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
