is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My bed smells like the plague
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
