I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
