I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
