I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
