i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
