Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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