just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize