I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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