someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He passed out mid-signature
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
