I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Boobs speak an international language.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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