If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
