do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
