i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize