you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
