Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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