my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
