I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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