I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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