my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he fucked my hip out of place.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
