OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
