My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
