i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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