Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
