Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
