I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
