Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
