Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
