So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
