He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
